I spent this last weekend in Vegas with my wife and some friends. No, there was no bachelor party and no I did not make myself sick from intoxication.

I know what everyone thinks. Being mormon, what do you do in vegas? The normal person has about 3 things to do in Vegas: 1) gamble 2) drink 3)clubbing. But the reason why I love Vegas so much has nothing to do with any of that. Kinda. It’s actually very simple. If you add billions of $$$’s to anywhere, it’s gonna make that anywhere place completely awesome. Even if that place is a huge barren desert.

A while ago I told my wife that Macklemore was playing down in St. George and that I wanted to go. Then my friends pitched the idea of going to Vegas after the concert. I think everyone kind of knew that I needed it. I think they had secret meetings about it. They probably met in some secret area like that tunnel that runs underneath University Ave. They said things like “Wow, Tyler is annoying. Seriously, Tyler is losing this mind. I can’t hear about school and BYU one more minute”. I say this because everyone was so agreeable to go and the trip was planned super easy.

What did I do in Vegas? Why do I love Vegas so much? My reason for loving vegas:

1. FOOD

We all know I love food. I think it all started with me watching an obscene amount of cooking reality shows. I get hungry watching those. We all kn

ow that mormon love their restaurants. Seriously though, on a typical friday night in Provo, UT every restaurant has an hour wait time because all people do is eat out in Utah. Well in Vegas the food is taken to the next level.

I absolutely loved Hash House A Go Go. Yes that is the name of the place. Dudes, it’s a MUST do. I don’t care which one you go to (there are like 4 of them all over Vegas). The snickers pancake is amazing. The chicken and waffles are bigger than your face!

If you love authentic asian food then you have to go to both Kj Dim Sum at the Rio, and Lemongrass Thai restaurant at the Aria. Kj Dim Sum is seriously like being in China. The food is so good but you have to know what to get, otherwise you might end up with a chicken leg on your plate. I don’t swing that way. Then Lemongrass at the Aria…is purely amazing because it is so nice, modern, and clean. I loved the Curry and Pad Thai.

2. Shopping

Now I say shopping, but only very carefully. Too much can ruin a trip, and I mean absolutely put a stopping halt on all fun in Vegas. But guys, lets get realistic we can only take so much of it.

But the shopping in Vegas is like no where else. Where else can you can go purchase awesome shirts and shoes for $5 at the outlets and then 15 minutes later walk down the strip and buy a pair of Louboutins for $1,200. I would never do such a thing and buy $1200 dollar shoes but I am just saying that you can, if you want.

I guess I like the shopping in Vegas so much because my wife does. When she’s happy, I am happy, or something like that…right? She can go for hours. I obviously can’t. Sometimes she lets me go because I am being such a nuisance in every store.  Usually I ask her if I can tap out and ask if I can take $50 bucks and go to the nearest blackjack table and pass some time. So MUCH to my surprise, this one time she agreed. It was as rare as an alien sighting. Twice. Because my wife doesn’t like gambling. But I went and turned $50 into a lot more than $50. A little gambling while in Vegas can’t hurt. It was like I scraped together every last dollar and agreed on no birthday or Christmas presents for like the next 12 years.

3. Vegas Mentality

I feel like Vegas changes your self perception. If you are ugly and nasty, in Vegas you are super fly and hotter than Halle Berry (or that what half the girls walking around think). If you are poor and work at McDonalds, in Vegas you are a millionaire at the roulette table. Apparently when I am in Vegas I am an 18 year old because every time I went anywhere I got carded. But hey, I’ll take the complement.

There seriously is just more to do in Vegas. I am talking about shows (always check half price tickets, the stands are everywhere), attractions, sight seeing, and just plain walking around in Vegas is entertaining. Walk around the strip for 5 minutes in Vegas and if you DON’T see something absolutely ridiculous and entertaining, I will pay you $5.

I am now home, back in Provo, and I wish I was back in Vegas already. It probably has something to do with the fact that Provo consists solely of school and work for me right now. And Vegas consisted solely of party, spending money, eating and releasing huge amounts of endorphins.

Huge thanks to our friends who we owe a million ponies and rainbows for making the trip awesome.

On the drive home to Utah I saw an awesome deal for the Palms hotel on Groupon. And you better believe I planned that ish right quick.

Hey homies. Let’s go.

Guess what? I went to Disneyland last week. (Do you capitalize the L in that? So it’s DisneyLand? Nope, that looks wrong.) And no, I don’t have kids. And yes everyone I went with was over the age of 21. Lame? Maybe just a little bit. But it’s like the happiest place on earth right? Wrong! Well maybe it can be.

world of color etched from buzz lightyears laser in mickeys fart cloud

In honor of this past week of Disneyland I wanted to 1st) show you this video and 2nd) talk about my experience. There are 5 things about Disneyland that you don’t read about on myawesomespectaculartriptodisneylandforafamilyandjoyousbonding.blogspot.com. I know, I went there. Weird.

As many of you know, I like Disneyland. What you may not know is that I’m an impatient whiny butt (ok you know that too) and that Disneyland is actually all WAITing. But with my A.D.D there are ways to get around that.

Here are my things:

thing 1) Everything in life should have a support group. Have hemorrhoids? Go to group. Have a bad haircut? Go talk about it with your group. I didn’t know this until I went, but there is a free “impatient line waiters” support group and I found out that many people are way worse than I am. It’s called talking to the people in line! The crazy thing about Disneyland is that everyone thinks that they are the most special people in the world and that they, for whatever reason, should be treated special. I was included in this mess.

It’s something about walking through those Disneyland gates that makes you think you are freaking awesome and that you should be escorted to the front of the line and every second should be catered to you. It’s not natural. You need support, because if the whole time in Disneyland you think that way and you will die. Get help, talk to your line support group, and they will make you realize you are just a hopeful retard like everyone else, so wait patiently!

thing 2) Go to Disneyland on notable group days! Im talking about designated days for certain groups. Like Mothers Across America days or Anaheim Regional Patients Days, or the days that we went on, the Anaheim Gay Days. That’s right, this is the secret weapon!

Everyone knows that Disneyland does not give discount tickets. It is like nearly impossible to find any sort of deal on a ticket. But not many people know that Disney gives discounts to these groups!

No, I’m not gay, but I sure don’t mind them when they throw a city wide event at Disneyland! We signed up on their website, and badda-bing-badda-boom, we got $50 off on a 2 day hopper pass. You are saving your family $50 a ticket by being a pretend member of the group. That makes you an outstanding member of your family. Now go buy yourself that extra popcorn in the park, you can afford it!

thing 3) Fastpass masters. Everyone knows that the point of a fastpass is to skip all the chumps in line and get on the ride before all of them while they give you the stink eye. So whats the catch? Every ride has a line to get a fastpass! The new carsland racers had a 45min or more wait to even get a fast pass.

So how do you beat the system? You go in the exit! Disney always has a worker watching the exit, but almost never are they actually watching the exit. The workers are helping people who don’t know how to put their park pass into the machine so it spits out a fast pass. So when the workers are helping these fast pass handicaps you can literally slip in the exit, claim a machine, swipe your park passes for you group, and get a fast pass in less then a minute. I did this every time. If you get caught, just say your doctor doesn’t want you to stand for more than 10 minutes due to a lack of unicorn like strength in your back.

thing 4) With Disney employees you always win.

Disney Employee: “Sir these fastpasses expired 3 hours ago”

Me: “I was in the bathroom” (I got on the ride, I won)

Disney Employee: “Sir please stop screaming”

Me: “I’m scared of this freaky snow white ride!” (I continued screaming, I won)

Disney Employee: “Sir please wait in line”

Me: “I can’t, I have back problems” (I win)

Disney Employee: “Sir, please walk!”

Me: (Running and not acknowledging him. I won.)

thing 5) Want some real Disney magic? Download the Disney Parks app. That thing is a beauty! Everything about this app is lazy. You want to go on Space Mountain? Don’t want to go over there to see the line wait time is because your feet hurt? Well look up the wait time and see if there are fast passes left. Sort of tired and extremely full from the 4 Dole Whips you had? And want to see when a show is? Look it up on the app. That way you probably won’t need a wise old tour guide lady to show you around the park. Then you can go on this sweet ride like 5 times.

So now go to Disneyland! Tell em T.RICH sent ya. They’ll know who I am, I think my wanted poster is on main street now…